so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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