I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
