so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
