Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
