Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
