He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
