Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
