If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize