If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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