Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
