My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
