Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
