Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
