im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
