I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize