ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
