You just made me feel so damn special
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize