we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
