My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i now understand why vodka
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
