Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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