Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
