How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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