i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's like heaven, but drunker
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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