You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
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