I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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