Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
