she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
