i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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