The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
