what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
