He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
