Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
