These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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