im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize