I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
