Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
