Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize