Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
