My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
