I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
