Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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