the new term for farting is butt boxing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
