4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
