Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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