idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I bet he comes in French.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
