saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's never too late to be topless.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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