at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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