Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
