by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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