Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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