she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
