Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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