I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
