Don't make out with my wife yet
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
