Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
