duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
