Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
