Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
vagina is talking i cant
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
