what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I want her autograph on my taint
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had sex on a roof
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
