Got a toothbrush?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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