Need sex. Gaining weight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Randomize
