I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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