I want you more than these girls want KFC
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
