I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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