Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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