ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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