Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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