I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
