Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
