Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We have started to decorate penises.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
