Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
