I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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